I had the honor and privilege of recently having conversations with two courageous women: Betsy Gall and Pamela Marie Hobby.
Pamela met a medical resident who changed the course of her life on October 28, 2019, and Betsy's life changed forever exactly one month later on November 28, 2019.
Betsy wrote a book to share her family's story. The title immediately grabbed Pamela, because it fit with what she was building with My Doctor's Meds, whose mission is to help healers. Pamela asked if they could connect. They have become pen pals and confidants and now discuss what they call “Super Soul Sundays,” discussing various ways to support clinician well-being.
Here are their stories.
Betsy Gall
My name is Betsy Gall and I recently wrote a book about love, a doctor's suicide, and finding comfort and purpose afterward. He is intitulated The illusion of the perfect job.
Above all, my goal in sharing our story is to raise awareness so that no other family has to go through what we went through. By raising awareness, I hope that health care organizations, hospital administrators, other physicians, their families and friends, and the public will understand why physician suicide can occur and know what to look for if a doctor is in trouble. Our story is just one story, but there are countless others.
I also hope that by sharing our story we can help normalize discussions about mental health issues, because I know from the bottom of my heart that if my husband had asked for and accepted help, this would not be arrived.
I am not a mental health professional. I am a real estate agent, owner and investor. I love renovating houses and making them beautiful. Matthew and I used to joke and compare notes about our days at the office. My work is mostly fun and happy, while his work as an oncologist is always serious and sometimes sad. Our discussions always put everything into perspective for me.
I'm not an expert on physician suicide, but unfortunately, I was married to a physician who committed suicide. Matthew was under constant pressure. Decreasing reimbursements, administrative issues, salary cuts, political bullshit, difficult to navigate EMR systems, constant performance surveys: it was a lot!
Caring for the terminally ill can be extremely stressful in itself. Being on call has always been a problem; I have yet to meet a doctor who likes to answer calls. On top of all this, I've discovered that people expect doctors to have all the answers at all times; they're always on call, and that's a lot for one person to handle. Matthew was always willing to help his friends and family and give his opinion, but it never ends. Sometimes you just want to go home and relax, but that's not the norm for most doctors. Matthew often said, “I love my patients, but I hate my job.” »
After moving to North Carolina for work, Matthew did the unthinkable and took his own life on Thanksgiving Day 2019. It broke our family and left us wondering, “How could this happen?” I have found that, unfortunately, this happens quite frequently. We lose one doctor a day to suicide. This is heartbreaking and we must all work together to change this broken system!
Pamela Marie Hobby
The mission of the company I founded, My Doctor's Meds, discovered me in the fall of 2019. After telling my story to a pediatric resident, sharing all the ways I was grateful to the professionals in health for saving my life, I urged him to continue. . Showing him my childhood photos of leukemia treatment, he asked me if I was really that vibrant adult in front of him. Suddenly, hope began to leave his eyes. Darkness crept in as he covered his mouth, saying, “Sometimes I'm afraid I'm becoming numb to it all.” » The despair I saw scared me. How was it possible that he was showing devastating early signs of burnout when he was embarking on a life of helping others?
My husband said, “Besides doctors and nurses, who understands the burden that clinicians carry for society? Well, patients do. So we decided to help you!
The Carousel Analogy: The doctor and patient enter the “carousel ride” with all the ups and downs of diagnosis, treatment, and outcomes. Everyone is involved in the journey. Favorably or unfavorably, the patient leaves the ride, leaving the doctor alone, not knowing how his family is doing or how the patient's life continues next.
A clinician could care for thousands of people over the course of their career, but thanks to HIPAA, one thing remains the same: the patient “opts out of the ride.”
While dining with my cardiologist friend, he couldn't help but look at a family across the restaurant. Seemingly unable to take his eyes off them, he said with a smile, “He looks good!” I performed open heart surgery on him. Look at his beautiful family having dinner! There was a deep desire to know more.
Why don't we try everything? Let's move politics forward like the Dr. Lorna Breen Heroes Foundation! Let's have the courage to write a book like The Illusion of the Perfect Job by Betsy Gall! Let's send monthly thank you/check-in emails to our doctors like Kim Downey.
Perhaps an antidote to all science would be to dip a toe into the well of creativity and humanity, telling our stories, baring our hearts, saying thank you.
I challenge everyone to step back and close the loop on the clinician/patient connection. Look up your former clinicians and ask them how they are doing. Let them know how you’re doing and say, “Thank you!” Turn it into the kind of carousel we all yearn for – a time to watch the world go by on the elephant's back, to the music, with the wind in your hair.
Kim Downey is a physiotherapist.