I understand it well. You convince yourself that everything is fine. And then you convince others that your marriage is perfect.
You are facing a terminal illness, but you are the exception because surely this cannot happen to you.
You are in poor health and suffering from unexplained pain, but you avoid seeing your doctor and instead pray to Jesus to relieve your pain. To cure you of anything.
Denial. I was a workaholic. Three children to feed, always wanting the best for them, while their father, despite his high education, chose to work for minimum wage. Meanwhile, his wife (me) was working 60 hours a week. But he was considered a “great” father. I excelled at pretending everything was okay, often finding myself faced with neglect, disrespect, and the trap of a verbally abusive marriage. Yet everything seemed perfect in the photographs we shared on social media, slowly coming to terms with his multiple infidelities.
The recognition that I would live my life through my children, all while knowing that I was in a miserable marriage.
Denial. His cancer. Affecting the pancreas, liver, lungs and lymph nodes. His surgeon and oncologist fueled his denial – “You will live another six years” – and my husband insisted on “doing everything” while I drove him to oncologists, surgeons, chemotherapies, palliative care, therapists, while working night shifts and working night shifts. over time.
Denial. Every day brought new pain, new pain. His back, his bones, his chest, his unusual swelling of his neck, hands and feet. Constantly on social media, but without taking action. Do not visit your doctor, but ask your friends for prayers. Waiting for a miracle from Jesus that never happened.
Denial. The nurse arrives late for work, disheveled, with bruises along her arms. “I hit the walls. I fell. It is not him. It's me. I'm clumsy.” Her husband's verbal abuse quickly turned into physical abuse.
And the list of denials is endless. And denial itself too. Only when you recognize the truth to yourself and then to others.
Denial serves as a defense mechanism to face the truth. It involves ignoring the reality of a situation to avoid anxiety, anger, and the truth. To protect yourself from the harshness of reality.
Through therapy with a licensed therapist, you can confront the truth. By breaking down the barriers of denial and being honest with yourself and your situation.
It is said, “The truth will set you free.” Free yourself. You deserve to live in the truth.
Debbie Moore-Black is a nurse who blogs at Do not resurrect.