I started having children towards the end of my medical studies. By the time I became a resident, I already had two young boys. At that time, my wife was also a pathology resident. We worked hard and were lucky to have parents who helped us occasionally. However, we still missed out on a lot when my family moved to Florida; my sons started their first years of school while I started working in my first medical practice. Before we moved, we had our third child. As my wife and I continued to progress in our careers, we struggled to balance our professional ambition and our family life. We often picked up the boys late from sports practices and missed games and recitals. We would sometimes get home late, so my wife would prepare morning meals brilliantly using a slow cooker. We both wanted to build meaningful careers while putting our family first and owning a medical business to leave a legacy for our children.
I share my story with you because my parents thought it was difficult to balance a successful family life and a thriving business. I was told that what you gain in one, you sacrifice in the other. There is a common belief that our professional and personal lives are interdependent and that by prioritizing one, we inevitably sacrifice the other. For example, it is believed that a person cannot excel as a father if he only focuses on being the most successful businessman, and vice versa.
This analogy with scales completely misses the point. We all have a unique motivation and purpose that propels us forward. However, it's important to remember that a single business or parenting experience does not define our lives. Instead, we are the sum of all our experiences and efforts. It is impossible to be all things to all people, nor can we be in many places simultaneously. Therefore, it is worthwhile to be mindful of the allocation of our time and energy. There will always be competing demands demanding our attention, such as raising children, maintaining relationships, pursuing hobbies, caring for aging parents, or simply relaxing. Staying focused on your goals is essential, but you also need to look at the bigger picture.
What is essential differs from the time or attention you will sacrifice in your business to have children. What's important is what will make you happy. And from experience, what helps you achieve your goal will make you happy.
I was absent from time to time as a father. On the other hand, I skipped staff meetings earlier to also attend the end of a football match. My children resented me and adored me. My medical practice prospered and failed. But throughout, I have been fulfilled and my motivation remains. My boys have now achieved their own success despite my flaws.
My oldest son graduated from Harvard Law School and served as a Navy JAG for the past eight years. My other three children are college graduates and currently have successful careers. I know their motivation was fueled by witnessing mine and my wife's. I could have taken more time to be with them (maybe I should have?), but that in itself would have been a sacrifice in their lives, exposed to less professional perseverance, motivation, and success.
Your professional success can have a positive impact on the lives of your children. It can also inspire you to become a better leader, a better entrepreneur, and a better person. There is nothing more motivating than the happiness of your children. If you let it, improving your entrepreneurial skills can also help you become a better father and vice versa.
Being successful is a complex process that requires many factors to work together. It's not just about having a specific skill or attribute, but rather having the ability to navigate through the different challenges and opportunities that come your way. High-performing individuals understand that their lives are multifaceted and unpredictable, and they use this to their advantage by channeling their energy toward a single goal. By accepting the chaos and uncertainty of life, they can stay focused on their goals and make the most of every situation.
You have the potential to excel both as an entrepreneur and as a father because these two roles are interconnected. Even if it seems perfect sometimes, you won't fully understand the situation until you try. Instead of seeing this as a zero-sum choice, view it as an opportunity to explore something challenging but ultimately rewarding, like a new business angle or project. When making choices, it is essential to consider what aligns with your values and goals. However, it is equally important to understand your overall goal and how your choices fit into that larger vision. Taking the time to evaluate the potential impact of your decisions on your children can help you make choices that align with your values and contribute to your long-term success and fulfillment.
As my career nears the end and I prepare for retirement, I find myself taking stock of the choices I made along the way. Looking back, I feel a sense of pride in having managed to balance my fulfilling medical practice with my equally important role as a devoted member of my family. Both have enriched my life and I am grateful for the opportunities I have had to positively impact both spheres while maintaining a sense of personal fulfillment and satisfaction.
Francisco M. Torres is an interventional physiatrist specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of patients suffering from spinal-related pain syndromes. He is certified by the American Board of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation and the American Board of Pain Medicine and can be reached at Florida Spine Institute and Wellness.