Recently, a very young colleague who worked in the same hospital as me died of sudden cardiac arrest. We were shocked and deeply saddened by his passing. A few days later, I met a mutual friend of ours who told me that he was under a lot of stress due to family issues and work politics. He had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. He had few friends and no siblings, was introverted and never shared what was on his mind with anyone. Perhaps extreme stress was the reason for his cardiac arrest. My friend expressed his regret for not having been able to ask him once how he was coping with all these problems. But there's no point crying over spilled milk. Catharsis is important for everyone, and if we continue to open up about our emotions and problems for too long, the results can be disastrous.
In the past, and still today in rural areas of Pakistan and India, there is a concept of “Chopaal”: it is an open space where the male inhabitants of the village gather at a specific time of during the day, sit on “chaarpais”. which are in fact a sort of huge cradles or camp beds woven from jute, and they smoke or have tea together. They speak from their hearts and share each of the community's problems and even their own personal problems. There is no shame or judgment if a member asks for help. And I think it's a beautiful tradition, and that's why they don't need therapy as much as city people. Advances in technology and easy access to smartphones for everyone have led us to socialize less, engage in catharsis, and listen intently to ourselves as in the past, leading to more mental health issues than ever before.
The dilemma of today's doctor is that he or she must care for a large number of patients every day. The workload and the many problems that preoccupy him make him a little bitter and insensitive. He doesn't have enough time to listen to each of his patients' problems. The idea that occupies him most of the time is to simply close the clinic and see all the hospitalized patients on time. Patients therefore feel ignored and invisible. When they see a doctor, they have high hopes that the doctor will listen to their problems in detail, but these days we are more interested in simply writing a prescription and ordering additional tests. Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, said: “Know all the theories, master all the techniques, but when you touch a human soul, just be another human soul. » But sometimes I feel like doctors are the ones who ignore this the most.
Catharsis is important, but I think it should only be done in a safe place; otherwise, you will feel depressed, doubt your own worth, and perhaps begin to feel that your words weren't good enough to convey to the other person what you wanted to say. You begin to doubt your own sincerity, it is of no use in making them understand what you want to express. It's like banging your head against a wall or knocking on the same door over and over with no one to open it. Communication is always a two-way street. It's like a love that remains unrequited if the other person doesn't reciprocate with the same intensity as yours.
My two cents to a young aspiring doctor are: Whenever you listen to a patient, never make their thoughts or feelings invalid. There will always be room for healthy debate later. But please only do this after they have spoken their hearts out. If you try to stop them from sharing what they want, and there has to be a reason why they chose you to confide their thoughts and feelings to you, they will be disappointed. You're trying to stop a hurricane, a volcano that will erupt one day, somewhere, on someone. “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will later come out looking even uglier.
But there is a limit to everything, and sometimes we hurt ourselves if we help those who don't deserve our help. A few days ago I met a guy who worked in aviation. He was an introverted and very private person, according to him, but he started telling me everything about himself, his childhood, the challenges he faced in life, the loss of family support, the fear of not being at the height, his complexes and traumatic experiences that he faced during his childhood and adulthood. I continued to listen to him for a few meetings because he said he found it safe and comfortable to share these things with me. But one day, when I hinted to him that I wanted to share something too, he started acting strange and eventually stopped contacting me.
Sometimes people are not used to sharing, but only do it when they feel at the lowest point in their lives. But listening a lot to everyone, and that too when you yourself are a very sensitive person, ends up leading to compassion fatigue: “Compassion fatigue is the price to pay for caring a lot about others or for their emotional pain, resulting from the desire to help relieve them. the suffering of others. It is also called vicarious or secondary trauma, referring to how other people's trauma can become yours. This is very common among healthcare workers, especially those working in specialties like oncology, palliative care or psychiatry, which involve dealing with grief, trauma and grief on a daily basis. To avoid compassion fatigue, I think the most important thing for a healthcare worker is to take time for themselves, eat well, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, spend time with their loved ones. loved ones and stay active.
“The healer also needs healing, the listener also needs listening. The planner also needs surprises. He who gives must also receive. You also have to think about what is thoughtful. Consideration should also be taken into account.
Damane Zehra is a radiation oncology resident in Pakistan.